Christian fellowship can have a “dark side.” We seldom discuss it. As enjoyable and as faith-building as fellowship with our sisters and brothers in Christ can be, we sometimes abuse this wonderful intimacy. We judge; we manipulate; we exclude. Ouch! We know better, and this is not our intent; but, if we all took a quiet moment to reflect, we would acknowledge our guilt in this area. Our humanity often gets in our way, even in our most spiritually-motivated interactions.
Among the more subtle dark sides of fellowship is manipulation. We can engage in manipulation, convinced of our good intentions and with no malice of any kind in our hearts. At a point of conflict, our spirituality prompts our desire to bring harmony to discord and peace to turmoil. But at what cost? At times, resolving a conflict distills down to convincing someone that we are right, and he or she is wrong. Are we willing to sacrifice some of our desire to be right for the sake of the well-being of another? Or, do we slide almost imperceptibly into “manipulation mode,” using the trust and familiarity that grows from fellowship as tools to obtain the outcome we want?
A very poignant example of manipulative behavior in a religious context—and one of the most profound responses to it—can be found in the dialogue of the movie masterpiece, A Man for All Seasons, the story of Thomas More. Thomas’s close friend, the Duke of Norfolk, tries to convince Thomas to join with all the other nobles in the court of King Henry VIII who have signed a document endorsing the King’s divorce and re-marriage, despite the Pope’s disapproval. Thomas More feels compelled to acknowledge the Pope’s authority and refuses to sign the document, knowing this action may result in his execution for treason (which it does). The following dialogue ensues between Thomas and the Duke of Norfolk (taken from “Memorable Quotes—A Man for All Seasons” at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060665/quotes ):
The Duke of Norfolk: "Oh, confound all this, Thomas. I'm not a scholar. I don't know whether the King’s marriage was lawful or not, but look at these names! Why can't you do as I did and come with us, for fellowship!"
Thomas More: And when we die, Norfolk, and you are sent to heaven for doing your conscience, and I am sent to hell for not doing mine, will you come with me, for fellowship?
We all have been guilty at one time or another of manipulative behavior, and I include myself when I say we all need to search our hearts and motives when our fellowship with other believers tempts us to sway someone’s contrary opinion to our way of thinking. True fellowship, after all, should mimic the tolerance, acceptance, and forgiveness that Jesus so lovingly displays to each of us all the time.
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